A Year Underwater (new lyrics)

One thousand days beyond the sun

Bodies warm, hearts growing numb

Through mist and shadow, cloud and shade

We're falling fast to the ends we've made

Empty jars lie on windowsills

In fading sun, gathering dust

A year underwater hasn't drowned my will

But my confidence fails at a touch

And this place has never been my home

And here my balance is fragile

But how can you believe you're alone

And forget we're entangled?

When will we be here again

At this crossroads of summer tides

I fear that this is the end

The end of a life full of lies

Now face to face

We're inverted

Through time and space

We come alive

And someday soon

We'll be unburdened

If our planets align

Through streetlights and bonfires

And whispers of storms

I've held her up

I've kept her warm

Memories once bright

Now grey and dim

Pressure constricting, I hold myself in

When will we be here again

At this crossroads of summer tides

I fear that this is the end

The end of a life full of lies

This time there's no turning back

All barriers and bridges collapse

No secret left to betray

Confess, repent for judgment day

And fall into place

Close your eyes, cross my fingers

Shed this disgrace

Place your hand on my heart

Run through these veins

With this page as my witness

Feel this embrace

You are mine

Victory is ours

When will we be here again

At this crossroads of summer tides

I fear that this is the end

The end of a life full of lies

When will we be here again

At this crossroads of summer tides

I fear that this is the end

The end of a life full of lies

let's learn to fly

unrest
it's a crime of passion
undressed
it's the latest fashion
these walls
create the other
will fall
before we're torn asunder

i don't even want
to try to touch the ground
eyes fixed upward,
we are weightless in the sound
we are fools and kings
and noble cowards once again
with ragged voices singing
at last we've learned to live

- - - - - - -
My optimism spent a semester abroad, but it's back now.

when the world finally sleeps
and you take your fitful leave
i sit here shaking


- - - - - - - -
i need to remember that things can be beautiful on their own.

eat your demons

i want to eat your demons
draw out the poison,
the black and twisted cancer in you
i want to chew, swallow, suck it down, spit it out
cough and choke and still hold it all in
even if it kills me
i know i won't regret it
i'm taking them to hell with me
and i hope you won't forget this


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

goddamnit i love you i love you i love you why is this so useless

one good wing

i want to raise you from the barren earth
let the breath overflowing from my lips
fill your lungs and quench your thirst

open your eyes into mine
in your ears, my distant voice
i want to be your compass
my right hand reaches out,
my left denotes true north

we have each but one good wing
broken, wretched creatures that we are
but hold fast to me and we'll ascend
more swiftly than ever
fly straight through the sun
straight on til morning

Rise

Rise
You faceless
You thoughtless
You voiceless victims
Cry

No more
Your past

Erodes inscriptions

I gather my goodbyes

Press them together

Til time and space subside

Under this heat and pressure

But I am bound to carry on
In shades of grey
Solemn strangers call my name
I cannot trust in any god;
I'll place my faith
In fragile human will and form

one day we'll just give in
no longer run or hide
find what's been here all along

buried deep or tossed aside

I hope these walls

Come crashing down

Before the day we're torn asunder

And if you fall

Without a sound

I'll hold your up

Or you'll drag me under

But I am bound to carry on
In shades of grey
Solemn strangers call my name
I cannot trust in any god;
I'll place my faith
In fragile human will and form

Blind to the beacon

Head in the sand

With passing glances

We move along

Through thick illusion

And frosted glass

Sky laughing at me

Spins far too fast

Now redshift the horizon

See tainted Eos rise

In bookmatch perfection

This matchbook inspiration

I am bound to carry on
In shades of grey
Solemn strangers call my name
I cannot trust in any god;
I'll place my faith
In fragile human will and form

I am bound to carry on
In shades of grey
Solemn strangers call my name
I cannot trust in any god;
I'll place my faith
In fragile human will and form

The earth still shakes

The torch still burns

This is not still

This is not dead

We are not still

We are not dead

this boy breathes fire

this boy breathes fire,
restless chaos diffused
in electric veins and lungs of glass;
envelops the air
a catalyst, a catharsis
the end of the end of days

call it from hilltop to hilltop:
come eat your dreams
while they're still hot,
before they fly away

no stars tonight
moon glimmers in half-life
its scarred face a haunted smile
you and i take flight
move unhindered
through cyphered snowstorms
pinpricks cold as jewels

a last hurrah:
raise your voice, your glass
your expectations
a feast before we fast.
never will i be still
for true death is
where motion is not

confer upon me no blessings,
offer unto me no rabbits' feet,
no words of wretched wisdom
gone sour in your refrigerator.
i want that which can hold me in,
stop my brain from spilling--
succumbed to inner pressure,
silver streaks sublimating in space
--and no words can do that.

i'll hold your hand if you hold mine
squeeze as tight as you want;
we can't break each other now

FAPT - Rewrite w/ Samus

Well I'm the selfish animal
Diseased, the fever, got it all
Undressed, my willful, seething skin crawls

My lungs are blacker than my soul
Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know
Just hope I die before I'm old, YEAAAAAAH

Well I'm unclean, a libertine
At least I'm more than a machine
Cruisin' in my lust patrol
Got my gun, I've lost control

So no one knows you like I do
Tragic tongues and words all true
Guess we didn't think this through too well

Got some pills, I'm on the run
Three shades of plastic, had my fun
My shock machine is set to stun again

Well I'm unclean, a libertine
At least I'm more than a machine
Cruisin' in my lust patrol
Got my gun, I've lost control

Yea, I'm unclean, a libertine
At least I'm more than a machine
Cruisin' in my lust patrol
Got my gun, I've lost control

So fuck you mom and fuck you dad
No wedding bells to make you glad
And bigotry don't make you mad no more

And this is for all poison tongues
And all your drowned and broken lungs
And all the songs we've never sung again

Well I'm unclean, a libertine
At least I'm more than a machine
Cruisin' in my lust patrol
Got my gun, I've lost control

Yea, I'm unclean, a libertine
At least I'm more than a machine
Cruisin' in my lust patrol
Got my gun, I've lost control

- - - - - - - - -

Apparently we're too old to sing /completely/ vulgar and immature punk rock songs now. I don't know when this happened. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

F.A.P.T.

Well I'm the selfish little whore
Who keeps you screaming back for more
Wake up naked on the floor, yeah

I know I'm not the perfect son
But we fucked this up from number one
Hey, at least I've had my fun, yeah

Fucking for virginity
Abstaining for sodomy
Praying for damnation
And thinking for lobotomy

Well know one knows you like I do
And son of a bitch, every word is true
Guess we didn't think this through too well

But I got some pills, I got a gun
Three shades of plastic, on the run
My shock machine is set to stun again

Fucking for virginity
Abstaining for sodomy
Praying for damnation
And thinking for lobotomy

Fucking for virginity
Abstaining for sodomy
Praying for damnation
And thinking for lobotomy

Well fuck you mom and fuck you dad
'Cause it sure gets me pretty sad
That bigotry don't make you mad no more

And this is for all poison tongues
And all your drowned and broken lungs
And all the songs we've never sung again

Fucking for virginity
Abstaining for sodomy
Praying for damnation
And thinking for lobotomy

Fucking for virginity
Abstaining for sodomy
Praying for damnation
And thinking for lobotomy

- - - - - - - - - - -
These lyrics are old as dirt, but they still mean something very important though completely different than when I wrote them. I'm rather proud of them in a way.

A Year Underwater

One hundred days now long undone
Eyes long cold, warmed by the sun
Through mist and shadow, cloud and shade
Stumble forth to the ends we've made

My jar of karma
Gathers dust on the sill
Contents ripened in the sun

A year underwater
Has not drowned my will
Yet I'm built and destroyed at a touch

And this place has never been home
Here my balance is fragile
Sometimes we believe we're alone
And forget we're entangled

When will we be here again
At this crossroads of summer tides
Oh, please don't pretend
That you don't feel this alive

And she's not afraid of me
Though I could consume her so quickly
And I'm not afraid of her
Though she could break me with a thought

Through whispers of storms by streetlights and bonfires
I've held her up
As a rock, a pedestal, a pillar of salt
I've derived a bare sustenance
From the scraps of glory fallen to earth

But when we will meet here again
At this crossroads of summer tides
I'm begging you, please don't pretend
You don't feel this alive
When will we be here again
At this crossroads of summer tides
Oh, please don't pretend
That you don't feel this alive

The last time
That our planets eclipsed
We were consumed by darkness;
we consumed the darkness
We woke up shattered
Through these years
I have gathered the pieces
Done this penance
Sought this redemption

Fall into place
Close your eyes,
Cross my fingers

Shed this disgrace
Place your hand on my heart

Run through these veins
With this page
As my witness

Feel this embrace
You are mine
Vict'ry is ours

But when we will meet here again
At this crossroads of summer tides
I'm begging you, please don't pretend
You don't feel this alive
When will we be here again
At this crossroads of summer tides
Oh, please don't pretend
That you don't feel this alive

inside-out and underground

through outer lines he crawls
it crawls within my mind
-dissociate, evade evicting walls-
for the mind reels; passion in foreign facility
haunting hindrance
here prevails, yet
no further can we go
building silent pressures
perpendicular to the "real"
the ring in reverse;
the acrid, furious buzz
turned inward, now a calming drone
bring the pieces back together
turn around and rediscover...

to be unmade
to dream, or be a dream
is it not the same to be outside yourself
as without yourself?

"I and I" (a poem and a half)

multifoliate gods reflected

coexistant within

shrouded even from our own eyes

outside ourselves

without ourselves

within and passing through you lying there

so scared

wondering whether something's been going wrong

for so long

we've been sleeping every second

we've been stealing every second

ray of sunshine off of

someone out of love

we've been stealing ever second

we've been sleeping every second

bloody sunday

in the rain

but my tattered old umbrella

is no match for the torrential dance

of silver thoughts and memories

raining like stones

and reigning in stone

cold eyes set in hard faces

at once victims and victors

through constant metamorphoses

the human syndrome

a symptom of life

a sign of the times

blessed are we to live in these days

where all things intermingle

arbitrary lines drawn by weak minds

have been but shackles on our wrists and veils upon our eyes

and now they are broken and cast them down

we stand up straight amid this maelstorm of the mundane

we are not bound, nor do we bind

and in this acceptance, this knowledge

liberation from acceptance and knowledge

from false dilemmas and black and white

we rise

we are one and many

boundaries between man and man and woman and woman and god and planet

between mind and mind, body and body, soul and soul

between mind and body and soul

all these things are false

but we are true

feast

you cultivate me
harvest all my intuitions to blind disaster
i am the last of the great-great-great
the porcine shape in sterile suspension
cursed are these figs you bring to my lips
and the soft lies i tell myself

"this is all just a machine"
and i am a brass nightingale
a reminder yet to courtesans and cattle
that a line in the sand displaces a million grains

i am eating myself
encased in glass and rarer air
i preside as my organs are carved and allotted,
lifted steaming from silver platters to fine china
into the mouths of my esteemed guests
--the queen, the good doctor, and the elephant man.

Ah, the marvels of modern medicine!

pyschogeometry

bright lights and off-white knights
the kind of wave you can't even
try to fight
dividing lines and vital signs
approaching boundaries undefined
passing close to the brilliant center
the singularity that was never really there
our comet flies wide
we spin too far from the sun
sublimation ceases

ouroboros on a plane
swallowing another inch,
another word of false certainty better left unsaid
he draws close the horizon

too many angles in this head
i can't keep a hold
can't grow strong for growing old
i'm slipping between the sixth and seventh ribs
to raw intention veiled in skin
i test the conditions
for this new volition

these tesseracts are in your head
too many faces
i cannot comprehend
all origins invisible to the naked eye
and how naked am i?
with my breath held tight in my chest
and my tongue gone soft with disuse

Catch This Fire

I remember when you told me
"I hope this will never change"
and on our hands and scraps of paper
scribbled secrets I've kept safe
for all the days that I've been dreaming now
and the nights I lie awake
will you take my hand and promise me
that you will never break?

There are times when I still taste you
on this bitter summer air
and the ghosts of hatred once deserved
are more weigh than I can bear
but I'm so sick of saying sorry
and of saying it so well
and of asking your forgiveness
when I can't forgive myself

so I build this pyre
strike this match like lightning
burn myself, that liar
down until

the ground beneath me falls away
i'm passing through the sun
tonight i swear i'll catch this fire
and stop us growing numb

Do you remember when I told you
that this life is a war?
waste our deeds on the field of dreams
don't know what we're fighting for
But this is where I'll make my stand
upon this hill I'll die
witnessed now my certainty
my fist raised to the sky

as I build this pyre
strike this match like lightning
burn myself, the liar
down until nothing's left

the ground beneath me falls away

i'm passing through the sun

tonight i swear i'll catch this fire

and stop us growing numb

Immolate this
These masks
These cold and fragile crutches
To flames
Forsake
all hoods and veils and snakeskin
cough up all things blind and broken
black and wretched
cold and ugly
is this ghost an empty shell
or is there still some last spark of me?
when all else is torn away
there remains one truth unbroken
in passion and purity rise
reborn, as one, we are ignited

i will build this pyre
strike this match like lightning
burn old self, that liar
down into nothing

i will build this pyre
strike this match like lightning
burn old self, that liar
down into nothing

the ground beneath me falls away
into the setting sun
tonight i swear i'll catch this fire
to stop us growing numb

the ground beneath me falls away
into the setting sun
tonight i swear i'll catch this fire
to stop us growing numb