questions, and where they've led me

so I'm sitting there wondering
when did I stop being good?
when did I become one of those people
the ones who spend their lives
hanging around coffeeshops
or sitting in their pajamas

when did i get down again?
and is there anything less noble
about wanting something
than having what you want?

(or at least what you wanted)

some people fit together so perfectly
they curl around and slip or slide or snap together
like molecules bonding
and as with molecules
you have to break old bonds to

form new

and the subtle attractions between those held fast
and those drifting aimlessly
draw us together in chaos and
push us apart in despair

if I had a god
I would pray to them for love
for that singular belonging

(but I don't)

this bundle of skin, bone and nerves
(which only looks like me in the right light)
is wandering before a desert wind
seeing the other sad shadowy stubble
but never calling out to them
for everyone knows the trees have no tongues

(and the lorrax (if that was his name) is long gone from this place)

I stand at the head of a stone
above a plane as grey as the sky
(is it november already?)

clumps of grass grow before me

but I'm staring at you from too far away
are you moving closer or just standing still?
I try to speak but I sense your callous deafness
And a stiff binding wind holds my tongue tight
tight as my chest as I face the world
more or less alone

perhaps we are both moving at great speed
but the only things beside the road are shadows
who move perpendicular to time

it's like a museum, an art gallery
I can see (and almost live) the charmed hubris of my past
if I just turn my head
it is tainted by the balance

I have birthed this brave new world
and it is my own retribution
how ironic that you were the midwife
it has sapped me of all appeal
and my pale and ragged form
is stooped as an old man

O death, O time
what recompense thou hast ordained
for I who sinned first in greed and second in ignorance

I shall confess me, and hope I have suffered enough
For the likes of all the jeering children.